Holiday Weekends...

Without really realizing it, I am standing on the precipice of another holiday weekend. Not sure how I feel about it either. Anyone who knows me at all knows that I am BIG on family holidays: traditions, time together, great meals and decorations themed by season...you get the idea. So what is a Mom to do when her foundation for such holiday times is crumbling?

Believe me, I have thought for a long time about how my life would change, especially holidays, so my head is prepared for things like celebrating holidays on alternate days, celebrating with just two or three of us and so on. I know these things will come and I always think I'm ready for it, but there are times when it just leaps into my lap without warning.

Now I realize that Labor Day weekend is NOT anyone's idea of a big holiday, so all I might hope for is one meal - a cookout, a picnic, a dinner-and-a-family-movie-that we could enjoy together. As I was able to talk to Emily and Nicholas, and gather work schedule information, I must accept the fact that my one meal together is not going to happen. Emily works Sat, Sun and Mon afternoon/evening and Nicholas wants to go to the Crown Knights game tomorrow evening. Lucas Fernandez Paz, Pastor Johnny's intern for this year and our wonderful family member for the remainder of 2009, is often a great and reliable addition to our holidays because his family is all in Argentina. But even he is out of town for this weekend.

What complicates this from a heart perspective is that so many of our friends' children who are away at college, are able to come home for Labor Day weekend. Our two who are away cannot come home because they are simply too far. Again, I know in my head that this is nothing sort of holiday that doesn't need any time or attention or pouting from me because it holds no particular highlight. But the purpose of this blog is to share my heart. It isn't always logical or reasonable.

The funny thing in our family is this: we are not empty-nesters. Ashley is living in Rochester, NY, attending her second year of grad school and almost completely independent. We get to see her usually twice a year - for a few days in the summer and around a week at Christmas. There are many holidays and birthdays that she hasn't been able to be a part of for several years now, and as of this last year, Thanksgiving has been added. We stopped seeing her for Easter three years ago. Michael is in northern Virginia and will be home for Thanksgiving and Christmas but not for any three day weekends or family celebrations where we are used to him being a part. Emily and Nicholas are still here, but yet they are not. Emily is in college at Reinhardt (locally) but her schedule between school, work, practicing, homework and free time, is all her own. When she is here, she is in her room and most of the time, she is gone. This is a big change from last year and from her 'graduation summer' of just work and relaxing! Nicholas is in 11th grade and still homeschooled, but is gone all day on Tuesdays and several other large chunks of time during the week. We share a car so that often means I am not only home alone, but carless to boot. (Now believe me, I don't mind at all being home alone-I'm thrilled to have a quiet house and enjoy setting my own schedule after so many years of my whole day being dictated by homeschooling, housekeeping and family needs.)

Sooo, while we have two out of the house most of the year, we have two who are here, albeit less and less, but there is alot of running in and out, need for quick meals, instant help with something, money :) and criss-crossed schedules. What that means is I rarely have more than a couple of hours alone without a phone call, child running in for a short time, car-swapping, etc. That does NOT qualify as an empty-nest now does it? Add to that our dear and loveable Lucas and a Wings of Morning girl (or often two) and there is rarely total peace at my house. Yet, it is much more often a lonely place. How can that be? Simply because as everyone runs in and out, needing a quick something from me, or many times nothing but a washer/dryer, shower or a grab and go meal, it's like a hit and run encounter. Whatever I might be doing when someone comes home, I stop, stand ready to serve however I am needed, but then it's over. That person is on to their own agenda and I am left standing there.

There is no getting around it-it is hard to let go of our children! It is tough to celebrate holidays where the table was full and now there are empty chairs. There is less conversation, less laughter, less spontaneity, fewer hands to help prepare, fewer mouths to feed and more leftovers...and at my age, that is NOT an advantage! :)

Now lest you think that my life is all sadness and pouting...let me set the record straight! I LOVE having charge of my day, being able to set blocks of time to accomplish tasks long neglected, cross stitching in the middle of the day, going to read and swim at the pool at 10:00 AM on a Wednesday, enjoying a dinner of leftovers or fried egg sandwiches with Richard when we find out kind of last-minute that it's just us...this is a wonderful aspect of life. And I have dear friends, many of whom are in a similar life season - especially important to me! I am doing a Precept Bible Study for the first time-because it's always been too much of a time commitment for me to make. I am excited about spending more time learning to study God's Word on a whole new and deeper level! Also, I am really looking forward to Love Loud at our church because my schedule is much freer right now. And there is a strong possibility that FBCW will be a Drop Off Center for Operation Christmas Child and I will probably co-direct this with a gentleman from church who shares this passion and vision. And a wonderful side-benefit - Richard has offered to do it WITH ME! That is a first and I am thrilled to share a serving opportunity with my husband of 25 years!! After so many years spent raising up our precious children, I am excited to enjoy some brand new experiences and opportunities!

So, as I stand on the precipice, the optimist in me says, "Hey, more time to work on that Christmas stocking for Richard this weekend, less time spent in Kroger and at the sink prepping all kinds of food. My children have years of memories, we have tons of pictures and videos and it's okay for a holiday weekend to slip by quietly here and there. But don't ever expect to hear me say that about Thanksgiving or Christmas!! If it gets down to just two of us, you'll find us serving the homeless, visiting those alone at a nursing home or hospital or inviting international students to join us in our home. There are some things that I won't change...and having a full table for the 'big holidays' is one of them.

Thanks for joining me on the journey...
I am thankful for Jesus because He is ALWAYS with me!
Loren